The Doug Noll Show

Many of us have experienced a need for vengeance—to get back at the other guy. Sometimes it is a passing desire and sometimes it becomes an all consuming goal. What is vengeance, where does it come from, and what is its relationship to retribution, justice and forgiveness. I will be talking about these common experiences in this show and invite you to email me at info@lawyertopeacemaker.com with your comments and questions. We start by looking at vengeance in literature, particularly as described by Alexander Dumas’ in his famous novel The Count of Monte Cristo. Vengeance arises from a sense of lost honor identity that has been severely attacked. Vengeance is a powerful emotion that cannot be assauged with persuasion or logic.

Conflict usually involves a lot of emotion and reactivity. When we are reactive, we lose our ability to think things through clearly. Aleya Dao and I will be talking about these common experiences in this show and invite you to email me at info@lawyertopeacemaker.com with your comments and questions.
Reactivity is controlled by deep brain functions located in the amygdala. We have two amygdalae, located in each brain hemisphere. The amygdalae act as early warning systems and trigger us into action if a threat is perceived. Interestingly, the amygdalae cannot distinguish between a physical threat, a social insult, or a bad memory. The opporutnities for triggers is therefore plentiful. Anger and Inner Peace, Finding Peace Within, Reactivity, Difficult People Forgiveness

Conflict escalates in five stages. As people enter the next higher stage, their reactivity is more intense and their ability to reason their way out of the problem diminishes. The only way to de-escalate is work back through the stages one at a time.

The tools for dealing with triggers and reactivity include self-awareness, feeling emotions and identifying them within you, looking for the lessons to be learned from the moment, and practicing that which you wish to master. Aleya tells us about the energetic fields that can be used to shift reactivity.

Learn to read emotional data fields to help others who are reactive and triggered. The emotional data field consists of the layers of emotions a person is experiencing in conflict situations. We can help people de-escalate by acknowledging and identifying their emotions for them in the moment.

We talk about how fear manifests in the physical body. Helene tells us that our physical body is a literal map of our emotional state. By focusing on the fear associated with the part of our body that hurts, we can release the emotion and heal. Doug asks Helene about fear theat drives indecision. Helene tells us that we can overcome the fear of making a wrong decision by letting our Higher Self make the decision from love. She says that this is the essence of intuition or right brain processing. We too often ignore this part of our experience. By listening to our intuition, we can actually make decisions from a place of love rather a place of fear.
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Doug asks Helene how parents can be better at raising their children in a fear-free environment. Helene says that people have to learn to be parents. That requires reading, going to class, and studying. Many people are not able or willing to work hard at learning to be good parents. As a result, they pass their fears and scripts on to their children and the children end up with scripts of low self-esteem.
http://www.lovetopeace.com