The Doug Noll Show

Sex, politics and religion—the three subjects you don’t raise at the office. Yet these topics and the values they represent define what it means to be human. So often, however, conflicts arise over sex, politics and religion, especially at the office. Is it possible to develop healthy attitudes towards sex, politics and religion at the office? I will be talking about these common experiences in this show. Why are these such hot topics? Does anyone really think that repressing sex, politics and religion works? These are about what makes us human and our basic values are formed from and around them. Why aren’t we allowed to bring our values to work? I talk about all of this and more.

The law establishes five protected classes of people from employment discrimination. Employers may not discriminate because of age, disability, gender, race and national origin, or religion. The law does not make being a jerk illegal, however. So there is a lot of room for unhealthy attitudes around sex, politics and religion to develop and destroy a company.

There are key leadership characteristics that support a healthy attitude towards sex, politics and religion at the office. These are being nonjudgmental, being noncritical, being nonreactive, valuing balance and seeking balance, and being selfless. Learning how to ask questions to make people reflective is another leadership characteristic I talk about.

You can learn to listen by following the listening checklist I outline for you. If you follow the checklist, you will model respectful, caring behaviors that you want people to have around you. Finally, help people talk about sex, politics and religion by finding the deeper meanings those topics have to people. If sexuality is about looking and feeling good, how does the workplace help or hinder each of us looking and feeling good? That alone can lead to healthier attitudes.

Immigration. It’s a hot issue in Congress and in politics as we wrestle with whether to open, close, leak or dike our borders from immigrants. Of course, the reason people risk life and limb to come here is for work and economic opportunity. Regardless of where you stand on the immigration issue, the fact is that a lot of people, especially Hispanic people, now live and work in this country. Because they bring different languages, food, customs, and culture with them, there is bound to be conflict. In this show, we will talk about these conflicts and what can be done about them to keep peace in our communities.

Many of the conflicts that arise in our communities stem from misunderstandings about very different cultural practices. In addition, sometimes we fail to realize that the new people in our community working at the low end jobs come from poverty and may be undereducated or illiterate even in their own countries. Is there any wonder they are confused and frustrated by the complexity of modern society.

Conflicts over jobs, school, resources, rules and regulations all occur every day in every community with immigrant populations. We talk about the need to reach out to these people rathter than ostracizing them. If we want to stop gang violence, for example, wse need to embrace the children, respect them and include them. Gangs form from kids feeling isolated and alienated. So our attitudes towards our new immigrant neighbors affect our lives and communities very directly.

The best defense is a good offense. No matter what happens on the political scene, stopping immigration leakage along our borders is economically and physically impossible. We can expect immigration to continue for many years. At the community level, regardless of how we feel about undocumented people, opening our hearts, extending ourselves to understand and respect them, and including them in our community is the only way to create lasting community peace and harmony.

Mothers-in-law are the stuff comedy acts are made of, but for anyone who's suffered at the hands of their monster-in-law, it's no laughing matter. Sally Shields should know - her rocky relationship with her mother-in-law had her dreading holidays and avoiding phone calls. Things turned around for Shields when she discovered easy tricks for transforming this contentious relationship, and how a scarf and a shower curtain factored into her successful equation. Sally Shields is an author, speaker, award-winning pianist and composer. She is the recipient of the Editor's Choice Award from the International Library of Poetry, and a frequent contributor to various magazines. Winner of the 17th annual Great American Jazz Piano Competition, her first book, Modern Jazz Piano, is the standard theory manual for several music programs, including Princeton University. She performs worldwide, most recently with bestselling author and musician James McBride. Shields was a finalist in the John Lennon Songwriting Contest and her music is currently featured on the ABC TV daytime drama All My Children. Her latest book is THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW RULES: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! Doug and Sally talk about how Sally learned to turn a frustrating and unhappy relationship with her mother-in-law to one of friendship and happiness. Sally’s moment of truth came when her husband told he was tired of being in the middle of the two of them. From that point on, Sally looked at every zinger that hit her as an opportunity to learn and grow.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally explains that she learned three principles about her relationship with her mother-in-law. First, she had to learn to reach out. Sally realized that her mother-in-law was just as self-conscious as she was. Second, Sally learned that she had to be authentically nice, even when the zingers hurt. Finally, Sally learned that she, not her mother-in-law, had to go outside her comfort zone to make the effort to build a great relationship. Doug explains how these principles are really fundamental peacemaking skills and attitudes applicable in any conflict.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally tells stories about how she learned to create peace with her mother-in-law. Sally says she learned to borrow something, ask for advice on a trivial matter (and follow it), and call Mom weekly. On Mom’s special days, her birthday and Mother’s Day, send a card and flowers, with the card being written by husband. Sally explains how to ghost write the card, buty the flowers, and set everything up to look like its coming from husband, the son. Mom will know and the DIL will get a lot of brownie points. Doug wonders whether young wives worry about subservience to mothers-in-law. Sally points out that she chooses to engage with Mom on her terms to create friendship, respect, and peace. That means, says Sally, that you have to be willing to be a bit vulnerable. It doesn’t mean that you become a doormat.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally gives out three more important tips: Don’t criticize Mom in front of the husband, ever; use INCS to solve immediate issues with Mom, and don’t imitate Mom where anyone but your closest girl friend can hear you. INCS means Identify the problem, Make a Note of it, Create a Rule of Behavior for yourself when it happens, Solve the problem. Sally’s book THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW RULES: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! is available onher website, www.theDILRules.com and Amazon.
http://www.theDILRules.com