The Doug Noll Show

Mothers-in-law are the stuff comedy acts are made of, but for anyone who's suffered at the hands of their monster-in-law, it's no laughing matter. Sally Shields should know - her rocky relationship with her mother-in-law had her dreading holidays and avoiding phone calls. Things turned around for Shields when she discovered easy tricks for transforming this contentious relationship, and how a scarf and a shower curtain factored into her successful equation. Sally Shields is an author, speaker, award-winning pianist and composer. She is the recipient of the Editor's Choice Award from the International Library of Poetry, and a frequent contributor to various magazines. Winner of the 17th annual Great American Jazz Piano Competition, her first book, Modern Jazz Piano, is the standard theory manual for several music programs, including Princeton University. She performs worldwide, most recently with bestselling author and musician James McBride. Shields was a finalist in the John Lennon Songwriting Contest and her music is currently featured on the ABC TV daytime drama All My Children. Her latest book is THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW RULES: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! Doug and Sally talk about how Sally learned to turn a frustrating and unhappy relationship with her mother-in-law to one of friendship and happiness. Sally’s moment of truth came when her husband told he was tired of being in the middle of the two of them. From that point on, Sally looked at every zinger that hit her as an opportunity to learn and grow.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally explains that she learned three principles about her relationship with her mother-in-law. First, she had to learn to reach out. Sally realized that her mother-in-law was just as self-conscious as she was. Second, Sally learned that she had to be authentically nice, even when the zingers hurt. Finally, Sally learned that she, not her mother-in-law, had to go outside her comfort zone to make the effort to build a great relationship. Doug explains how these principles are really fundamental peacemaking skills and attitudes applicable in any conflict.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally tells stories about how she learned to create peace with her mother-in-law. Sally says she learned to borrow something, ask for advice on a trivial matter (and follow it), and call Mom weekly. On Mom’s special days, her birthday and Mother’s Day, send a card and flowers, with the card being written by husband. Sally explains how to ghost write the card, buty the flowers, and set everything up to look like its coming from husband, the son. Mom will know and the DIL will get a lot of brownie points. Doug wonders whether young wives worry about subservience to mothers-in-law. Sally points out that she chooses to engage with Mom on her terms to create friendship, respect, and peace. That means, says Sally, that you have to be willing to be a bit vulnerable. It doesn’t mean that you become a doormat.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Sally gives out three more important tips: Don’t criticize Mom in front of the husband, ever; use INCS to solve immediate issues with Mom, and don’t imitate Mom where anyone but your closest girl friend can hear you. INCS means Identify the problem, Make a Note of it, Create a Rule of Behavior for yourself when it happens, Solve the problem. Sally’s book THE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW RULES: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-in-Law! is available onher website, www.theDILRules.com and Amazon.
http://www.theDILRules.com

Infidelity…it is one of the most common causes of conflict in marriages and commited relationships. How do we deal with the intense conflicts, feelings of betrayal, shame, anger, guilt, jealousy, and hatred that arise with infidelity? With my guest host, Aleya Dao, we bring both the masculine and feminine perspectives and invite you to listen in about this difficult topic.