The Doug Noll Show

FaceBook, YouTube, cell phones and text messaging. This is definitely NOT your father’s high school experience or even yours. There’s an overload of negative images being thrust upon today’s teens. The family conflicts arising from these images are intense and painful for everyone. My guest on the July 24, 2008 edition of the The Doug Noll Show talks with me about how invaluable taking a more positive approach to parenting can be. Research has shown that if teens have the skills to know who they truly are and believe in themselves, they are less likely to hurt themselves or others. Judee Ausnow, a dynamic grandmother with a gift for connecting with teens and their parents, has written a book, Drama is Optional—A Guide for Teens. In this segment, we talk about how to teach your teen the power of positive thoughts. If only we would take the time when a child turns 12 to explain what the teen years are about, what to expect, and give some guidelines for life, our teens would be much happier and prepared to deal with life.

Judee and I talk about how our internal reality creates our external reality. Teens can be asked a simple question: “How well is life working for you right now?” The follow-up question is “What thoughts are associated with how you are experiencing life right now?” For most teens, connecting the dots between their internal thought patterns and their external life is a huge eye-opener.

One of the problems presented by text messaging, IM, and cell phones is that if a kid embarrasses herself or does something her peers think is stupid, everyone knows about it right away. Modern technology has allowed communication to occur so fast that there is no time to cool down. Because insecure kids build themselves up by putting other kids down (the classic bully or Mean Girl), fast ridicule is the name of the game. Judee and I talk about the best defenses for a teen. One simple defense is a morning affirmation. Look in the mirror and say “I love you.” In the beginning, this will feel hollow and fake, but after awhile the affirmation will sink in. Conflicts are inevitable with teens. Judee and I talk about how to negotiate with a teen. Working out a plan or decision with input from both the parents and the teen lead to much better behaviors and agreements. Unfortunately, too many parents do not take the time to involve their teens in decision-making, leading to feelings of disrespect, anger, and even lower self-esteem.

Weight is a big issue with teens, especially with girls. Judee’s advice to teens is to simply eat breakfast and lunch in normal portions and be sure to eat dinner 3 hours before bed. Just getting into normal eating habits can help, along with exercise. Kids have to learn to take personal responsibility for their weight. They can learn this by imagining themselves the way they want to be, again reinforcing the idea that thoughts lead to changes in reality.