The Doug Noll Show

Those of us who are mediators, peacemakers, and dispute resolution professionals are driven to help people find peace, or at least get their conflict resolved. We all receive deep satisfaction and a huge high when we have witnessed peace being made before us. On the other hand, when resolution is not possible and peace is out of the question, many of us engage in introspection and a bit of gloom—where did I go wrong? What could I have done better? How come those twits couldn’t get their act together? What we fail to realize and what is probably apparent to just about everyone other than us peacemakers is that some conflicts are just not going to resolve easily, if at all. From nasty divorces to the enduring Palestinian-Israeli conflict, there is a category of conflict that is defined by its intensity and duration. What do we do about that kind of conflict? Can we help people even though peace seems unlikely? What are the skills and tools that we can bring to bear on these difficult problems? One of the preeminent peacemakers, mediators, and scholars in the field appears as Doug’s guest to help us answer these questions. Bernard Mayer, Ph.D., is currently a professor at the Werner Institute for Negotiation and Dispute Resolution, at Creighton University in Omaha Nebraska. He is also long-time partner in CDR Associates and is an internationally-recognized leader in the field of conflict resolution. Bernie has facilitated many complex and controversial environmental conflicts, commercial and organizational disputes, interpersonal conflicts, public decision-making processes, and has an extensive background in family mediation as well. Bernie is the author of many books and articles including The Dynamics of Conflict Resolution: A Practitioner's Guide, Beyond Neutrality: Confronting the Crisis in Conflict Resolution, and most recently, Staying With Conflict: A Strategic Approach to Ongoing Disputes. Bernie begins by stating that the most important conflicts in our lives will tend to be on-going and will not be resolved immediately. Making peace prematurely in these conflicts will do long term harm. Thus, finding ways to constructively engage people becomes an important, if not critical role, for peacemakers.

Bernie discusses with Doug the concept of constructive engagement. It is really a way of dealing with conflict avoidance and by offering constructive engagement as a possibility, people in conflict are given a choice about how to move forward: They can engage or avoid. Constructive engagement includes broadening the way people communicate with each other, coaching people on appropriate use power and the abuse of power, framing the conflict authentically, helping people find congruency between their values and their behaviors, and providing spiritual, emotional, and psychological support systems to nurture people.

Doug and Bernie talk about different tools and techniques for constructive engagement. Doug uses respect agreements as an example of how people can agree to deal with disrespectful behaviors. Doug asks Bernie about his impression of the Obama administration’s approach to world conflicts. Bernie says that time will tell. However, he is cautiously optimistic that the Obama administration is more nuanced and less polarizing in its approach to world conflicts. Bernie notes that there are huge structural problems in the way of world peace such that no president or Congress, no matter how good, can achieve significant progress in a short time. Doug and Bernie talk about the need for support systems. Bernie points to Northern Ireland as an example of how that worked. At all levels, the need for respite and the need for rejuvenation was apparent. External retreats were established where people could rest and be outside their conflict roles. That process was important in the total peace initiative.

Doug asks Bernie if much has changed in the conflict resolution field since his book, Beyond Neutrality, was published. Bernie says that one problem with the field is its image—too many people think that mediators and conflict resolution professionals “Make nice” in disregard to the hard realities of the underlying dispute. Bernie wonders if we move to settlement too quickly in some cases. He advocates that we ask the question, “Is resolution the best result for these parties right now?” Often the answer will be “Yes,” but answer will more frequently than not be “No” as well.