The Doug Noll Show

Mars vs. Venus, the age-old conflict between men and women. Is there really a difference in the way that men and women handle conflict and negotiation? Does gender really make a difference in the way that the sexes fight, negotiate, and make up? Well, Doug talks with his guest about these questions and you can decide for yourself. Doug’s guest is Susan Hammer, a pre-eminent mediator, teacher, and trainer from Portland Oregon. Susan is a leading mediator in the Pacific Northwest. She did her undergraduate work at the University of Puget Sound in political science and obtained her law degree from Willamette University. For many years, Susan was a general commercial trial lawyer and left the practice of law to become a full time mediator in 1998. Susan is listed in the Best Lawyers in America 2005-2008 for Alternative Dispute Resolution and in Oregon Super Lawyers, 2006-2007. She is a Distinguished Fellow in the International Academy of Mediators. Susan talks about her career as a lawyer and how she was moved to become a mediator.

Doug and Susan talk about the research on gender differences in negotiation. The differences are layered and subtle. Over the course of a lifetime, these differences can make a significant difference in economic status. Women tend not to ask for more, while men do. Women are still culturally encouraged to behave modestly and avoid promoting their personal interests. Susan discusses the findings of Linda Babcock concerning men and women MBA students negotiating compensation and benefits.

Susan discusses more of the research and the implications for resolving conflicts and negotiating solutions. Interestingly, the research is consistent across cultures and over time. Culture may enhance or diminish the Mars vs. Venus differences in negotiation, but the fundamental differences persist. Doug and Susan talk about the implications of the finding that training and awareness nearly eliminate the differences between men and women. Thus, the Mars vs. Venus differences are unconscious, rather than conscious, behaviors.

Susan points out the good news: Being a powerful negotiator or mediator requires us to tap into both our masculine and feminine in an appropriate and balanced way. She cautions women not to abandon their femininity to be more masculine. Rather, learn to be firm and assertive, while still being caring. For men, she says that showing a softer more compassionate side adds to male power.